Observations from a Water Park (2012)

June 14, 2012, 3 Comments

July 3 Update: I revisited the water park last night with my family after work. So… I’ve added a few more observations to the list. Please feel free to add in your own in the Comments section.

Each year, my family and I normally make a trip or two to water parks near our home. This week, before I was to go on a weeklong business trip, we made a visit to Nashville Shores… which we love.

So, with my latest excursion, I give you my Annual Observations from a Water Park.

And, please feel free to include your own in the comment section. Enjoy.

  1. I am still puzzled as to why there are hand dryers in the bathrooms of a water park.
  2. It was for the best that I turned off my cell phone and left it in the car so I could spend time with my family… and spare my friends on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter from the photos I would have taken.
  3. Every subsequent year of my life going to water parks is empirical proof that I am in the minority by not having a tattoo.
  4. Ladies: Embrace one-pieces and/or cover-ups.
  5. Guys: Do not embrace Speedos and/or denim shorts.
  6. When did camouflage hats become fashionable attire at a water park?
  7. The “Lazy River” should be renamed to “Circle of Teenage Annoyances”
  8. Getting a tattoo of the Superman logo should be accompanied by a lifelong commitment to exercise.
  9. Grandparents who keep preschoolers at the water park (while parents spend extra time with their older children) deserve a fully-paid vacation for their service.
  10. The most consistent thing in the world is the sound that all human beings make when the horn goes off at signaling the start of the wave pool (see Pavlov’s dog).
  11. My current age seems to be the tipping point from loving the park to “Can the kids drive themselves here next time?”
  12. If your child needs a crib at a water park, you might want to rethink your summer plans.
  13. To the dude with tattoos on his back of Freddie Kruger, Michael Myers, and Hannibal Lecter, plus the tattoo of the Batman logo across his chest – No. Just, no.
  14. The power of the wedgie received on a water slide increases exponentially according to the age of the person doing the sliding.
  15. Teenage boys in motion tend to stay in motion. Unless there is pizza involved.
  16. Dudes should never – ever – get a piercing in the belly button.
  17. The discretion used to extricate your swim trunks after a water slide wedgie is directly proportionate to your age.
  18. A family picnic at the water park is worth approximately 74 fancy dinners in a restaurant where you feel the urge to shush your kids every 3 minutes.
  19. The motion made by another person swatting at a sweat bee is hilarious. Making the same motion myself is completely ridiculous.
  20. Still trying to figure out why there are electric hand dryers in a water park restroom. WHY?!?

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  • Reply Marty Duren June 15, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    RE: #4 Buying a swimsuit should be like buying property insurance. The more real estate you have, the more coverage you need.

  • Reply Marty Blakely June 15, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    2. I wish you had broken this rule because of #13, we need pics
    4. Two-piece suits, like spandex, are a privilege not a right.
    6. You are in Tennessee!
    7. After taken a high school football team last year I know exactly what you mean.
    8. This goes for barbed wire around the arm as well
    15. Or hamburgers see my response to #7

  • Reply Water Park Observations: 2015 Edition | August 25, 2015 at 4:06 am

    […] 2012 […]

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