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Water Park Observations: 2015 Edition

August 25, 2015, 1 Comment

water slide AquaticaEach summer, the Nation family makes at least one trip to a water park. We recently took the boys and my Dad (for extra comic relief) to Nashville Shores. As always, we enjoyed it and learned more about the human species. So, with the stage set, I give you my annual Observations from a Water Park. Enjoy.

  1. In 20 years, many people will need counseling for how their parents drug them into a wave pool as small children.
  2. If the Dad Bod fad is a real thing, then I’m like the Chris Hemsworth of water parks.
  3. If all of the lifeguards are wearing jackets, just go home.
  4. My father has, by far, the best tan of anyone I know.
  5. Unless preteen boys are restricted from it, “The Lazy River” desperately needs to be renamed.
  6. No matter how wet they are, people at a water park look for shelter when is rains.
  7. The buzzer at the wave pool was designed as an ongoing “Pavlov’s dog”-esque experiment.
  8. Seeing white people covered in tattoos of cartoon characters will always confuse me.
  9. The older one gets, the more likely a water park is simply seen as a napping center.
  10. The fabric to weight ratio for swim wear is NOT being observed by most of the population.
  11. Given the age and lack of attentiveness by the lifeguards, water parks executives are betting on the idea that everyone knows how to swim.
  12. People with aerosol suntan spray can are generally unaware of wind patterns.
  13. No matter what day you visit a water park, there is always one guy in blue jeans. WHY?!?
  14. Additionally, there will always be one grandfather who came to the park under protest. He is easily identified by his penny loafers, black trousers, and a button down shirt.
  15. Humanity has spent the last few millennia perfecting the science of houses and air conditioning. In response to these advances, we pay corporations to let us go outside and sit in the sun for entertainment purposes.
  16. The water park puts on display our poor, late night choices … as evidenced by one dude’s waistline tattoo of Curious George.
  17. Musical unity of the Nation family can be characterized by all of us lip-syncing “I Love Rock n Roll” by Joan Jett when it was played across the park’s speaker system.
  18. Water parks are basically the most expensive place people go each year for bad snacks, power wedgies, sunburn, and a place to pretend to read a book.
  19. Never, ever, under any circumstance purchase pudding as a snack at a water park. Just ask my son Andrew for the story.
  20. Dear lady wearing cowboy boots with your bikini: I know this is Nashville, but people don’t actually dress like this here. At least, I hope not.

 

For my Water Park Observations from past years, click these links.

2012

2013

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1 Comment

  • Reply Top 20 Posts of 2015 – PhilipNation.net December 30, 2015 at 11:24 am

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